Twelve Step Reflections

“Ethan, Patience Means Be Quiet!” – Steps 6 and 7

October 12, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

We’ve had the great experience of having three of our adult children, their spouses, and children live with us at separate times. It has been great fun to be a full time grandma and enjoy once again observing the early learning of little ones. One day as I sat outside the entrance to the kitchen I overheard the following interchange.

Two-year-old Ethan was sitting in the high chair squealing for his Cheerios. Grandpa Marv said to Ethan, “Don’t you know what patience is?” Four-year-old Eliza walked intelligently up to the high chair and said, “Ethan, patience means, Be Quiet!”

I had to smile at that! As parents and grandparents we tend to do what we can to teach children what certain qualities of character look like. Patient people are quiet, patient people wait, patient people don’t whine. This is how patient people act. But most of us know that just because we’re quiet, wait, and don’t whine it doesn’t necessarily mean we, in fact, possess the quality of patience.

Many of us come to the 12 Steps out of a desperate need to change our behavior, but one of the fundamental aspects of recovery is a true, heart deep change of character. The foundation of all action is character. Step 6 says, “Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.” In other words, become ready to have God change you on a level you have not been able to achieve on your own. Step 7 says, “Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.” Acting patient, kind, grateful, loving etc. is no substitute for being patient, kind, forgiving, loving, and hopeful.

Until I involve God in the formation of my character I will always be an actress who thinks “patience means be quiet,” “gratitude means say thanks you,” and “kindness means share your stuff with other people!” Acting is only good as far as it goes. It might help Grandpa have a more peaceful breakfast in a house full of grandkids, but lasting change of behavior required a real change of character.

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, October 12, 2008

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The Whole Earth and I Have Something in Common – God’s Mindfulness – Step 2

October 11, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

I became friends with a sister in my ward from Mexico. She was struggling with her marriage and seeking to know the Lord’s will. One day she asked if I would go the temple with her. The temple was extremely busy. We waited an exceptionally long time in the waiting room. For several weeks I had been helping her improve her English. I knew her ability to understand was quite limited, so I asked if she wanted to hear the session in Spanish. She said no, that she would try it in English. About two minutes into the temple session they stopped the film and asked if “anyone else wanted to listen in Spanish.” I couldn’t believe my ears! I had never had this experience before. I asked her again if she would like to listen in Spanish and with great relief she said yes! I think the Lord was very aware of my friend and wanted her to have a meaningful experience in the temple that day.

We are often reminded by the prophets that the Lord is mindful of us. We read in the Book of Mormon, “Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth.” Alma 26:37

I don’t know how it’s possible, and it makes no sense, but for some reason I can believe in a kind of global God who is “mindful of every people” and still not be sure He is mindful of me. Perhaps one of the most beautiful results of applying the12 Steps to my life is finally receiving the absolute witness that God is not only mindful of all of creation, He is mindful of me!

By Nannette W.
Posted Saturday, October 11, 2008

Overcharged? Time to Take Step 3

October 10, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

Luke 21:34 “And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with…cares of this life…” I use to have this verse on my refrigerator. I think it was a handout from a Relief Society lesson. I stuck it on my fridge because when I get overcharged (overloaded) with the cares of this life my fridge is where I am tempted to look for comfort.

Maybe other ladies in the ward took it home and stuck it to their credit card or on their medicine cabinet door, or their TV or their computer. There’s hardly an end to the list of places to run when we’re overcharged with care and most of the substances and behaviors we turn to are physically and spiritually destructive. When I feel tempted to take destructive measures it’s always a sign that I am overcharged with care.

“Care” has many faces. There’s Sorrow, Heartache, Anguish, Grief, Concern, Anxiety, Worry, Trial, Trouble, Duty, Responsibility. Life is full of opportunities to be overcharged with care. So what should we do when we recognize the signs of being overcharged with the cares of this life?

The Prophet Peter’s recommendation is that we “[cast] all [our] care upon him [Jesus Christ]…” (1 Peter 5:7). The word cast it a verb, an action word. According to Webster’s Dictionary, “to cast” is to throw, to sling, to shed. The Lord does not want me to keep to myself any of life’s cares. I am commanded to throw them, to sling them, and to shed myself of them. These words do not describe a timid, back peddling response. “Do you really want to take this care from me Lord?” They do not describe a self-righteous response. “Maybe if I hang on to this care of mine I can fix it without bothering the Lord with my little trouble.” They do not describe a proud, or self-pitying response. “I can’t give this care to the Lord. It’s of my own making. I need to live with this struggle and deal with it by myself.” When Peter says, “Casting all your care upon him…” I think he really means ALL!

I am commanded to throw my cares, to sling them, to shed them with abandon, and with power, in the direction of Jesus Christ. If I am willing to cast my all my cares upon the Lord this is promised result. “He careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) This promise takes on a different meaning with each reading as I emphasize a different word in the phrase. Jesus cares for me. Jesus cares for me. Jesus cares for me. Jesus cares for me.

Next time I feel overcharged (and I’m sure I won’t have to wait long) I want to take my care to the only One who really understands and who has the power to help me. Such a simple but stunning alternative to blowing a personal fuse!

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, October 10, 2008

The Dailies, Tools or Weapons?

October 8, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

The Lord and I are involved in a building project together. It’s an upgrade on me. The plans for the project are for the building of a temple. Imagine…a temple out of me…a place where the Father and the Son can one day have a permanent home.

Every tool necessary has been provided for the project. Prayer, meditation, scriptures, instructions from present day prophets, my journal and meetings are some of the most important tools in the box. These are most effective if they are on the job site being used every day.

Some days, for one reason or another I’m not able to use each of these tools. My tendency is to be frustrated over not using this or that tool. I’m tempted to berate myself and act out in negative ways that harm me. One day I was giving myself a scotch blessing (as my great-grandmother would have called it) for not getting on my knees until after lunch and not getting to my scriptures at all and not getting to the temple yet this month, when suddenly it occurred to my how sad it must make the Lord when I take a tool meant for temple building and use it to beat my self up.

Sometimes a little picture helps straighten out my thinking in moments of discouragement. Next time I’m tempted to rail on myself over my inconsistent daily use of the tools in God’s temple building toolbox, I’m going to imagine picking up the Book of Mormon and whacking myself on the head with it. Pretty ridiculous! Maybe there should be instructions on the outside of the box: “Not to be used as a weapon! Use only for building up, not tearing down!”

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, October 8, 2008

“Mom, This is What I Need For Christmas…” “Lord, This is What I Need Because of Christmas…” – All Steps

October 7, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 2 Comments

As soon as the weather begins to change we start to think about the holiday season. I imagine that all the folks who plan to be ready for Christmas by Thanksgiving Day are already moving on their shopping list. That’s never been my style. I tell people that I am firmly committed to NOT starting my Christmas shopping until after Thanksgiving. I usually spend October and November dreading the shopping that lurks in the future. Instead of getting on to it I wait until the last minute wondering what on earth I’m going to buy for the people on my list. By December 1st the pressure starts to get intense. Neighborhood lights are up, trees are lit and shopping malls are full! So out into the snow I go, purchasing to the best of my ability, and fretting the whole time over whether I’m doing a good job or not. This pattern does not necessarily make for a jolly holiday season, but until the last few years I have never been able to extricate myself from this dread and fear based gift-giving scenario.

A new pattern seems to be developing though. At first I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I have decided to see this new pattern as a gift from my family and a message from God. Today I received a phone call from one of my children.

“Mom, Would it be OK if I tell you what I want for Christmas?”

The thought that it is only October 7th, well before the post Thanksgiving crunch time and I have no idea what she might want or need makes this very appealing. “I think it would be great!” I respond. A week ago I had the same experience with another daughter who then gave me helpful suggestions for her younger sister and her two-year-old daughter.

I was thinking about this new system one day, wondering if it was OK. What about the missing element of creativity and surprise? The came to me “this is how divine gift giving works. I go to the Lord and share my needs. Most often my needs have to do with living the 12 Steps, the principles that bring recovery and healing and progress. I share with Him that I need:
1. The ability to be more honest about my weaknesses
2. Greater hope in His power to help me
3. Greater trust in Him
4. Understanding of the truth about my actions
5. Courage to confess my wrongs
6. Desire to let go on character weakness that are holding me back
7. Willingness to ask for divine help to change
8. The capacity to forgive
9. Courage to seek forgiveness and the knowledge of how to make restitution for past hurts
10. Integrity to live these principles every day all day
11. Greater understanding of His will for me and the power to do it
12. Opportunities to help other by introducing them to these principles and sharing how they have blessed my life, and the willingness to apply these principles to ever aspect of my life.

The Lord and I both have a gift-giving dilemma. Mine is that I don’t know what people need. His is different. He knows exactly what we need, but so often He can’t give it to us without our permission, without our asking, without our willingness to receive His gift. Just like my own children are helping to solve my gift giving problem I am learning to help the Lord with His by being more and more honest with Him about my needs.

I don’t have to wait for Christmas either. A very common Christmas card reads “Christ is the reason for the season.” I am coming to know that Christ is the reason for every season in my life. I don’t share what I need for Christmas. I share what I need for October 8th and 9th, and 10th. I share what I know He can bless me with all year long because of Christmas.

By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, October 7, 2008