Twelve Step Reflections

I Don’t Have to Drink Out of My Shoe! – Abstinence

September 30, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

My head was swimming with thoughts generated during the Recovery support group meeting I had just attended. I pulled into the garage, walked into the house and set my key, scriptures, journal, pen and Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing on the kitchen counter. What to do next? I dialed my daughters cell number just to check in on a summer afternoon. I could tell by the noise behind the, “Hi Mom, what’s up?” that she and the kids were out and about having a bit of fun in the sun. We visited for a minute and I tried to hear the news of her day over lots of background commotion when suddenly she yelled out, “T.J., don’t drink out of your shoe!”

Now I wasn’t in church or a recovery meeting, but in that very moment God spoke to me about my recovery through a two and a half year old little boy. My grandson, T.J. had apparently gotten a little thirsty at the water park and thought he had no other alternative than to fill his shoe with water and take care of his problem right then and there.

What the Lord said to me was, “Whatever you do next Nannette, don’t drink out of your shoe!” Living in recovery, living clean and sober from my drug of choice (excess food) is about trusting that God will feed my soul and quench my thirst. I don’t have to grab the most accessible, quick acting, “unclean” thing at hand to take care of my immediate need. I don’t have to drink out of my shoe.
By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, September 30, 2008

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“Have You Considered the Math Lab?” – Seeking Support

September 29, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

Today I am writing in honor of, but not exclusively to, the many fall 2008 students who have almost made it past the September mile marker but not yet across the December finish line. My heart goes out to you and my prayers reach up for you, but I know it won’t be adequate!

“What?” you say, “Prayer, not adequate?”

I’m reminded of my son Andrew. Before he left to serve an LDS mission, he completed his first four-month experience at the university. Math was the biggest challenge of the semester. He showed up for class, did his homework, and prayed for help. But his test scores were not encouraging. At the beginning of the semester I discussed with him the blessing the “math lab” had been to his older sister. He exhibited absolutely no interest. As the semester wore on and math depression set in, every once in a while, in my best “Cautious now, don’t give your college boy too much motherly advice” voice, I would suggest he make a visit to the math lab. He would look at me with a bit of disgust in his eyes and say, “Oh…they won’t be able to help me!”

Finally, when there was just enough time left to pull his grade out of the cellar he came home one day with a big grin on his face and announced that the math lab was the greatest place on campus.

Like math, application of the 12 steps is not a do it yourself project. A common discovery among those who struggle with compulsive/addictive behavior and are finally reaching out for help is that, “It was my best efforts that got me into this mess.”

So often we decide that we are either beyond the help of others or that our problem is to menial for anyone’s attention. “Oh…they won’t be able to help me!” We wait and wait and try to go it on our own, making promise after promise, resolution after resolution, until the pain of our problem finally drives us to seek the help we needed and could have had much sooner.

Those who are finding success living in recovery reach out for help everyday and sometimes multiple times a day. It takes humility to admit you need to be in the math lab, that you can’t figure it our by yourself. It takes great humility to make a phone call during a time of temptation; to go to recovery meetings; to make an appointment with the Bishop and tell him you are ready to accept his assistance in the repentance process; to ask someone to help you do an inventory of your part in some problem or situation and to help you see how you might make amends. When we reach out we let go of our prideful need to be self-sufficient.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Addiction Recovery Program is the “lab” for anyone who is struggling with compulsive/addictive behavior, and for those who cannot readily identify with addiction. It is the “lab” for anyone who feels helpless and powerless to resolve any of the problems of life. The Mission Statement reads, “…As we practice these 12 steps in our lives, we receive power through the Atonement of Jesus Christ…” Practicing the steps is not a solitary work.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said that you need, “a friend in the Church to whom you can constantly turn, who will walk beside you, who will answer your questions, who will understand your problems” (Ensign, Oct. 2006, 4). He also said: “…Band together and strengthen one another. And when the time of temptation comes, you will have someone to lean on, someone to bless you and give you strength when you need it. That is what this Church is for, so that we can help one another in our times of weakness…” (Eugene Oregon Regional Conference, September 15, 1996)

I don’t want to resist my need for the “lab” (my need to receive help). My progress requires that I seek support. The Lord has made the recourses available so that I don’t have to wait until the end of the semester, or the end of day, or even the end of hour.

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, September 29, 2008

Real Life is an “E-Coupon” – “Accepting Life on Life’s Terms” and “Living in the Present”

September 28, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

Mini-van packed stem to stern…Kids, drowsy with thrill overload, and clutching bear, light saber, and Simba, bought with this years souvenir savings…Driving home through the desert…Our sunny California adventure at our backs…

I’m full of the “end of holiday” feelings I always experience during the “it’s time to go home” part any adventure. Here I sit in the middle seat with sunshine all around feeling like there’s a little gray cloud hanging over my head. I believe it’s a sign that I’ve got work to do at home. Not laundry/dishes type work, although I guess that will have to be done too. I’m talking about the work that leads to being more happy, joyous and free outside the theme park, in any given situation, the work of focused, willing, deliberate, eager participation in life as it comes. I don’t have this concept down yet, not down deep where it needs to be.

Wednesday night, as we exited the Magic Kingdom, Ethan put my resistance to going home and facing real life into words. “I love Disneyland! You don’t have to do any chores. Just have fun!”

“That’s great!” I thought. “I think like a seven year old when it comes to the work of real life.”

“So Nannette,” interrupted that Spirit whose full time job is helping me keep my thinking in good shape. With a twinkle in His eye, I’m sure, He said, “Let’s talk about theme park fun…Last week before you came on this family adventure you were hustling to take care of your everyday work and get ready for your trip too! Things were pretty crazy. You commented to your sister, ‘It will just feel good to get off the Merry-Go-Round for a while.’ When did the Merry-Go-Round get such a bad wrap? You’ve been on it numerous times this week and each time wished you could stay for another round with the one to four year olds. You like the Merry-Go-Round Nannette. You also like moving really fast, the anticipation of the uphill climb, the thrill of not being able to see where the track goes next, being jerked around, being challenged, surprised, and yes, even terrorized. You even like coming off a ride and being told, ‘Mom, you are all wet!’ Nannette, you’ve got all this and more at home. You’re just leaving one adventure and heading for another.”

As we walked round Disneyland, having paid the admission and checked in at the front gate, we were able to zip onto any ride we pleased. I told my kids and their kids that “when I was a little girl” (that phrase makes me feel really old) the tickets to Disneyland were handled a bit differently. Before you entered the gate the parents decided what they could afford and then they purchased a book of tickets. In the book were coupons for A B C D and E rides. All rides were rated and the choices were listed on the coupon. The “best rides” were the E’s. The more you paid the more E coupons you got.

I think what the Spirit was trying to say was,” Nannette, real life is an endless coupon book full of E tickets. So why be afraid to go home? Why resist doing real life? If you have a taste for family fun, exciting heights, moving fast, and the thrill of not knowing what’s around the next corner, then Real Life is the ride for you.

I share this little interchange with you all so that if you ever catch me unawares, standing in my kitchen trying to do twelve things at once with my roller coaster arms and hands high in the air and a high pitched, very loud scream exiting my vocal chords you’ll know I’m just having a good old “E Coupon” time of my life!!!!

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sea Treasure! Can You See It? – Step 7

September 26, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

A trip to Southern California has to include a trip to the beach. That’s where the eleven of us headed yesterday. We stayed until all of us had gotten wet, dug for crabs, built roads and castles and tunnels in the sand, until the seagulls had eaten Carson’s sandwich and Diana’s mini Oreo’s (all of them), until the babies were caked in sand, until it was time to reapply the sunscreen, until all the big dudes and some of the little ones had tried the rented boogie board and finally, and this is where my thought for the day begins until we had discovered and collected and rinsed and bagged up lots and lots of seashells.

My collection of sea treasure began on a solitary stroll to the pier and back to the family spot on the sand. As the water spilled up and then hurried back out to the sea it left behind hundreds of shells. I collected the good ones and with the next wave, everything I hadn’t deemed collectible disappeared. I wondered how many “go a rounds” these shells had made. Some of them were pretty beat up.

I shared my seashell collection with the “grands.” They became interested in making a collection of their own. So leaving sand castles behind, we went down to where the water meets the land. What I observed for the next thirty minutes was the tremendous difference in the way I collect shells and what the children see as buried treasure revealed. Where I collected a pocket full, they collected several plastic sand buckets full.

“Grandma, look at this one, it’s beautiful!” “Wow”, I say, not wanting to make four, seven and nine year olds feel bad about their collector’s eye. What they were all excited about were pieces of shells, chipped shells, shells with holes in them, certainly not like the perfect specimens in my pocket. They were thrilled over the kinds of shells I had rejected and allowed to wash back out to sea.

I think God is like a little child when it comes to collectibles. He sees the chips and the holes and the broken pieces in us as evidence of experience, not as a disgrace and a reason for rejection. “As adult children” of God, we see, and think we know exactly what he’s looking for. We’re hard on ourselves and we’re hard on others. In our minds, few of us make the cut. But much of what we see in ourselves and others are the scars of submitting ourselves to earth life experience, not indicators of our value. Our appearance is often the indicator of a life long tussle with mortality. Our condition, as we finish the war that started in heaven, makes us more God’s treasurer, not less. And like my grandkids, our Savior hopes to take home every shell on the beach.

By Nannette W.
Posted Friday, September 26, 2008

The High Priced Ticket

September 23, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

A ticket to Disneyland these days is a pretty big investment in giving children some time in the “Happiest Place on Earth”. The price of a ticket, plus food and lodging, not to mention the price of gasoline to make the big journey totals quite a chunk of money.

Eleven of us entered Disneyland first thing yesterday morning, two of my children, their spouses and six children. Some of the children are Disneyland veterans. But today was Sammy’s initiation into the Magic Kingdom!

She entered, donning her “first trip to Disneyland” button. She was greeted by smiling Disneyland employees and the Disneyland Band and the glorious bed of flowers depicting Mickey Mouse himself. Sammy’s eyes kept getting bigger and bigger. As we entered Main Street USA her three most experienced cousins surrounded her with orientation and motivational information. “Sammy you are going to love Big Thunder Mountain. You are going to get really wet on Splash Mountain. You are going to get so scared in the Tower of Terror. Sammy, they have an Alice in Wonderland ride. “

That was the moment that pure delight shot through Sammy. It was visible from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. Her papa looked on. As the moment of joyful excitement and anticipation brought his little four year old off her feet he exclaimed, “That right there was worth the price of the whole ticket.”

Now I know there is no comparison in real terms between the sacrifice we make for the happiness of our own children today and the sacrifice our Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ have made for our eternal happiness, but I do know this: When we are full to the brim with excitement, anticipation and appreciation for what THEY have provided, I can almost hear them say, “That right there was worth the price of the whole ticket.” And what a price that was!

By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, September 23, 2008