Twelve Step Reflections

“That’s Tricky Grandma” – Multitasking or Just Peacefully Do The Next Right Thing – Step 3 and Step 11, Perfectionism

November 10, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

Multitasking has been the name of my game. My husband lives with it. My kids laugh about it. Now, to my total dismay my grandchildren are discovering it. And frankly, I’d like to recover from it! Cooking and ____, cleaning and ____, sitting in Church and_____, visiting and____, watching TV, the game, the baby and_____, driving and_____, eating and ____ and ____ and ____!!!!! There is practically nothing I won’t try to put together in combination so I can GET MORE DONE! I use to think it was an amazing gift, but now I’m beginning to wonder.

A few months ago I hauled a small TV/video player into the family room and placed it next to the family TV. I stuck an exercise video into the small TV and also turned on something I needed to watch on the family TV. I proceeded to exercise, with one eye on the video exercise instructor and another on the family TV. Just toward the end of my workout/TV show Granddaughter Sammy entered the room. “Grandma, are you exercising AND watching TV? (pause, giggle giggle) That’s tricky!”

I laughed with her, finished up and went and got my little notebook. Children have a way of calling it like it is. “Tricky” means “requiring skill, difficult to manage.” I agree with the dictionary. Either my age or my recovery experience, maybe both, seem to be hedging the way between me and my hunger to do it all and do it all at once. I’m starting to understand that a life driven by the need to always be “killing two birds with one stone” is an unfocused, frantic, confusing, fear based, task driven life, and that eventually, one of the dead birds might be me!

I’ll never forget the words my son said to me, years ago. As he helped me into the car with my bags full of projects, just before taking off for a wonderfully planned trip with my husband he said, “What’s all this mom?” I shared with him the nature of my “carry-ons.” His reply, “You must not think you’re going to have a very good time!”

It’s interesting that the word “multitask” is a word my computer will accept but I can’t find in any of the dictionaries around the house. Perhaps it’s a modern word that accompanies modern ailments like addiction and depression and anxiety. Just a thought!

I’ve decided it’s best to leave the multitasking up to the Lord. He is the master economist when it comes to accomplishing more than one thing at every given moment. If I go about peacefully doing the next right thing, one thing at a time, I know multiple things will be accomplished. But, it will not be the result of my being a one-woman show, a three-ring circus. It will be His miracle and I will know it! I won’t say at the end of the day as I run down my list, “Look at me, see what I managed to do in two’s and three’s.” I will say, “Wow! I was just doing the next right thing and look what else God accomplished with me!”

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, November 10, 2008

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Backseat Driver – Step 6 and Step 11

November 9, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

According to my dad, I was born with a stubborn streak. When I was a little girl all cars had a bench seat in the front and in the back. There were no seat belts, car seats, air bags, or laws for child safety, so children could place themselves absolutely anywhere in the car. My favorite spot, when running errands with my dad, was right next to him, standing in the very middle of the front seat, close to my dad with one arm around his neck. Sounds pretty cozy, pretty friendly, but according to Dad, he couldn’t turn at a corner or a light without an argument, initiated by me, over his choice of direction. Right or left, it didn’t really matter; I wasn’t partial, just contrary.

Just this morning I was struggling in an area of my life where the Lord has already given me clear direction. The picture of my childhood propensity to argue in the car with my dad came to my mind, along with this thought:

“Nannette, you pray, you listen, you write, you study. You come to Me seeking direction, instruction, and advice. You snuggle up real close, your arm around My neck, and then, like that little girl you once were, standing on the bench seat, you argue! You don’t argue out loud. Somewhere between age four and fifty-four your propensity to debate has become so refined you don’t recognize it for the problem it is. After all, no one wants to imagine they are squabbling over “left and right” with God. Today, instead of agreement followed by action, you often resist, procrastinate, become distracted, and experiment with substituting a direction of your own choosing. Then, after becoming discouraged you cozy up and re-ask for My direction.”

Wow!!! Hmm!!! When God paints a picture of truth for me and about me I find myself quite speechless. I find I am finally without excuse. The astonishing thing to me is that I actually feel grateful for the information, for the insight. I know that ultimately His view can make a difference in my behavior. Step 6 is the challenge to “Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.” Having a clear image of my present character is an important part of becoming ready for this kind of change.

God is the master of presenting a vivid picture of the truth, with a message that is penetrating and motivating. This morning I embark on a new day of travel, “in the middle of the front seat,” next to the Lord, where I can receive His direction. What a privileged! Today I take that seat with new information and humble resolve not to behave like a backseat driver!

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, November 9, 2008

“What Was I Thinking?” – Step 10

November 6, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

In the 5th grade I was given the honorable responsibility of being an official “Bathroom Monitor.” Another girl in my class, Cathy, and I were in charge of “making” all the other girls in the school take good care of the bathroom during lunch. After the school bell rang, indicating that lunch was over and it was time for everyone to return to class, Cathy and I got to stay in the bathroom and make sure that everything was nice and tidy. It was quite the “groovy thing” to have a responsibility that allowed you to walk into class late, with permission.

One day after the bell rang and the bathroom cleared we tidied things up and were about to return to class when my friend said, “Nannette, do you want to see something really cool.” She proceeded to show me how fun it was to make wet wadded up paper towels and throw them at the ceiling of the bathroom. They stuck every time! I must have agreed that it was really fun because for the next few minutes we wadded up paper towels, one after the other, and tossed them at the ceiling and laughed and laughed. Finally we both determined that it was time to return from our honorable position, to class.

When we entered the room the class was involved in something quiet. I don’t remember what. I only remember the silence as the principle of the school cracked the door open just wide enough to beckon my friend Cathy to join her in the hall. Not a minute went by before the door to the silent room opened again and the principle’s eyes fell on me. As her index finger swung back and forth I arose out of my seat and headed for the door. The next few minutes were the first and last I ever spent in her office. She asked us what on earth we might have been thinking. She reminded us of our responsibility as the older children in the school. She told us that if anything like this ever happened again she would be forced to call each of our parents. I don’t remember if we still got to be the “Bathroom Monitors.” I do remember that she had us go get the long wooden poll that was usually used to open and close the little skinny windows, or transoms, in our classrooms. These windows ran all along one wall, way up high next to the ceiling. On the end of the poll was a hook, just perfect for reaching up and knocking down the now dry paper towels staring down on us from the bathroom ceiling.

What an afternoon. I only recently told my mother. We had a good laugh. Whenever I do something and the wrongness of my actions takes me by complete surprise I think of this little experience. I don’t know where my head was, but I had absolutely no feeling of guilt. It just didn’t seem like any kind of a problem while I was “wadding, wetting, and throwing!” Where was my conscience? I don’t know!

I do know that this was not the last time I unknowingly committed a wrong. At the end of each day I review my actions in the spirit of Step 10, which says to, “Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.” If I do so with humility and the desire to be thorough, sometimes I can almost see the door of another classroom open and I catch the loving eye of the Lord. With no coercion, only an invitation, He bids me to allow Him to help me recognize, admit, and make amends for misdeeds I would have completely missed if left to myself. I testify that He is the Savior for all of those, “What was I thinking?” moments in life!

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, November 6, 2008

“All Aboard?” – Step 12

November 5, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

My eldest daughter served a mission when communication from the field was done by post, before the days of e-mail. One morning she described a circumstance I could relate to. In fact, I can still relate. She and her companion were running late for some reason. She was on a bus, traveling to an appointment. While in route she was trying to finish her morning study, make an entry in her journal and write her weekly letter to her family. She expressed extreme frustration because, while she was trying to finish up activities that should have been taken care of in the early morning. She was missing the chance to “open her mouth” and share the Gospel while on the train. Opportunities were passing by while she was playing catch up.

As I read about her self-inflicted dilemma it was very clear to me that this is a predicament I face all too often. Figuratively I board a train everyday. The train pulls out early! It’s loaded with opportunities to “open my mouth,” and to share my witness of the power of Jesus Christ to help each child of God solve very individual problems.

Some days I find myself in the same fix my daughter described. The train is moving down the track, opportunities are all around, and I am trying the finish up some very important things that needed to be attended to before the Conductor hollers, “All Aboard!”

There is a remedy to the frustrating, confusing clash between what might have been done earlier in preparation (prayer, scripture study, exercise, planning etc.) and the wonderful opportunity to bless the live of others. The remedy is found in Doctrine and Covenants 88:124 “…cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.” And may I add, so that when I get “On Board” I’m “All Aboard!”

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, November 5, 2008

“Jesus Answered My Prayers For the Very First Time!” – Let’s Get Specific!

November 5, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

It was almost two years ago that I was in the delivery room with my daughter and her husband. A beautiful baby girl was delivered. To make a long story very short this was a very different of experience for our family. We had never had a baby born with any kind of physical problems. Minutes after her birth we were informed that she had “spineabifita.” After a brief examination in the Newborn ICU it was determined that she should be immediately transported to a Children’s Hospital for surgery. The next hour was one I will never forget. My heart ached for my daughter as they took Gracie from her arms. All I could think to say to her was that the Lord was very aware of everything that was happening. This reminder seemed calming to her. They instructed her husband to immediately prepare to follow the ambulance to the Children’s Hospital. Gracie was made secure and warm in a mobile bed that would roll right into the ambulance. We gathered in a state of disbelief and watched as the medical staff efficiently prepared our new little arrival for safekeeping and delivery into a doctor’s skillful hands.

My work for the next several days was to be the grandma to Gracie’s three siblings. The plan had been to be at home together, welcoming into the family a Pre-Christmas baby. Reality was living at grandmas, not being able to even see their tiny new sister, and both parents away for an undetermined length of time. Before and during Gracie’s surgery lots of prayers were said by the children. “Please bless Gracie in her surgery. Please bless the doctors to do a good job. Please bless Gracie to be OK.”

After the doctors completed the surgery my son-in-law called to give us the good news. The surgery had been a great success. I passed the phone around to each of the children so they could get the update from their dad. I will never forget the moment Ethan (age 5) galloped through the kitchen, expressing his gratitude and giving credit where credit was due. In loud and joyful exuberance he yelled, “Jesus answered my prayers for the very first time!”

I recorded that moment in my journal and then did some contemplating. My daughter and her husband are raising a praying family. Family prayer and individual prayer are an important part of their daily life. Why would Ethan say that this was his first answered prayer? I’m sure all his past prayers had been answered.

I learned something from Ethan that day about prayer. It was not a lesson about our prayers swaying the Lord this way or that. The good result was beside the point in the Lord’s personal message to me. What came to my mind was, “Nannette, this is the first time Ethan has ever been very specific with the Lord, in prayer, about something very real, something that matters a great deal to him. It is also his first experience praying with real intensity. That’s what makes this time so different for him.”

I determined from that point to pray with greater intent, with real purpose, and to be more specific with the Lord, full of details about the nature of my present struggle and more honest about my feelings. This must be an important aspect of my relationship with God. It made all the difference to Ethan. He taught me a lesson about how to pray so that I know I am communicating with God, and that He really is answering my prayers for the first, or hundredth, or millionth time.

By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, November 4, 2008