Twelve Step Reflections

Little League Soccer and Early Recovery /Change – Step 1 – Part 1

September 11, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

Sometimes my Coach shows up at my grandkid’s soccer games. I’m talking about the Coach that can’t be seen, the one who whispers in my ear or speaks to my heart. This fall I am the visiting grandma at the coed games, age 4/5 and 6/7. This last Saturday I saw that early soccer and early recovery have a lot in common. Here some things I observed.

Hurrah for the coach!
The patience required by the parent/coach is…well, I’m not sure it can easily be described. My son is the coach of the four and five year-olds. He served his mission in Spain where Soccer (Football) is king. He loves sports and is very competitive. As I put out my lawn chair and sat down to watch the game I heard him give the team the last minute instruction. “Come on you guys! Stand up!” That’s where it’s at with the “Golden Eagles.” The first order of the game is pretty basic. “Stand Up!”

James doesn’t coach soccer because he loves soccer, or because it fulfills some passionate need to play ball. He coaches soccer because he loves his little girl and his nephew. Likewise the Lord volunteered to be my Coach because he loves me. He has all the patience necessary. He is willing to invite me to stand up and get in the game as many times as it takes.

I have seen James lift Sammy and Carson right off the ground and literally place them right where they need to be on the field. I’ve seen him walk out onto the field and turn them around when they were headed in the wrong direction. I have seen him pat a bumped head and comfort hurt feelings.

That’s the kind of coach you and I have too. If we’re willing to show up (and that’s important), He encourages us, He places us where he wants us to be, He’ll turn you and I around if we get going in the wrong direction, He comforts, and over time He teaches us how to move more continuously down the field toward The Goal.

By Nannette W.
Posted Thursday, September 11, 2008

Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
Making or sending copies is permitted if the page is not changed in any way and the material is not used for profit. This notice must be included on each copy made or sent.

TEMPTATION, the Enemy’s First Shot – Step 1

September 10, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

A huge turning point in my recovery from addiction occurred at a support group speaker meeting. People struggling in many ways attended this meeting, but our speaker (someone who shares his or her recovery story with a group) was a recovering alcoholic. His experience, strength and hope have had a lasting impact on my own personal recovery.

As he shared his story the powerful message that came through to me was that even with the enabling power of Jesus Christ (grace), the steps, the tools, the fellowship and all else we have been given to aid us in our recovery from addiction, no one sails through. It is hard. The temptation to relapse is real and often very intense. It takes work and the percentage of addicts living in recovery is small. You might be thinking, “Wait a minute. This is very discouraging information.” Actually, the hard truth he shared helped me understand some faulty thinking that was affecting my own recovery. Until this point I had mistakenly thought that if recovery was hard, if I was experiencing temptation, then maybe I was doing it all wrong. As my recovering alcoholic friend spoke, my perfectionist view of recovery was replaced with reality, a reality that makes a difference to me every day.

I have finally come to know that the help of the Lord is not the removal of temptation but rather the strengthening of the tempted. I had falsely supposed that if I attended meetings, applied the principles (worked the 12 steps) and used of the tools, sin would become dead to me. No! The truth is that with direction and strength and the conversion (change) I can experience through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I can become increasingly dead to sin.

The scriptures teach us that temptation is part of the mortal experience. “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 Cor. 10:13)

Temptation is not my problem. Being tempted is not a sign of my weakness. If I believe I have lost the battle because the enemy has fired a shot, then the enemy wins, hands down. If I believe that I am responsible for Satan’s aggression then I loose before the battle has begun. It is self-righteous to believe that with my “goodness” I can completely eradicate the devil’s appetite for my soul.

The good news is that as we come unto Christ by living the principles of recovery we receive strength through the Atonement to overcome temptation. Every new day we live in recovery puts powerful distance between the torment of physical and emotional dependency on a substance or behavior and our current desire to abstain from addiction.

In recovery we learn what to do about temptation, so “that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.” (Helaman 5:12)

Experiencing temptation, craving, and having to put up a good strong fight with all the tools the Lord has given us does not mean lack of recovery. When Satan tempted Jesus, in the early stages of His ministry, Jesus was perfect, but He was TEMPTED. As we know, He was victorious! We can be too! Temptation is not the last word. It’s the enemy’s first shot!

By Nannette W.
Posted Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Picture of Submission: A View of the “Other Side” From the Inside – Step 3

September 9, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins 1 Comment

One of the most exciting days in the life of a modern mother is the day she gets to have a view of the little baby growing inside her. My daughters and nieces look forward to this day like they used to look forward to Christmas or Disneyland. It’s the day they get to see that everything is proceeding well and it’s the day they will finally know, after all the weeks of waiting, whether to paint the nursery blue of pink.

I’m a little old fashioned myself, a fan of the nine month, “Surprise, it’s a _______!!! But life goes on and technology seems to have the power to bless us with many things we used to have to wait for.

Besides being old fashioned about opening up gifts early I’m also really challenged when it comes to looking at the sonograms. My girls and their husbands come from the doctor’s office with pictures and videos they are so excited to show me. I know I’m a big disappointment to them because I really can’t see what they are telling me I should be able to see. “Can’t you tell mom?” they say. “There’s his eye and one of his arms. See, it’s a side view and this is a view from the top of his head.” Any more I just nod my head and smile, but truth be told, I really don’t know what I’m looking at.

2007/2008 was an unusual season for our family. Between my sister’s daughters and my own we would be blessed with nine new babies within a nineteen month span. This year there would be sonograms a plenty, but there is one I will never ever forget.

I entered my house on a miscellaneous Friday after attending the noon recovery meeting. I found the family room filled with home schooling moms chatting and children having recess together. My niece, Jeanine, had just come from the doctor where the medical worries for her growing baby had become a reality. Her little baby boy would most likely not live for more than a few days or hours. We were all stunned.

Then Jeanine brought out the pictures, just like all the others girls do, to let us have a first look at her little man. As I looked at them I “smiled and nodded” as she explained what I was seeing (or not seeing, in my case). Then she showed me the picture below, a picture of a perfect, celestial little boy in a body just right for his eight-day experience on the earth. To me his little bowed head resting on his prayerful arms and hands was the absolute picture of submission.

Spencer and Jeanine named him Kaden. As the weeks and months before his delivery went by, I thought a lot about his willingness to do the will of his Heavenly Father. And as the sisters and cousins delivered one healthy baby after another I thought even more about the willingness of Kaden’s parents to submit to the will of their Heavenly Father, and I marveled at just how far back in eternity they had all agreed to this arrangement.

Kaden was born on February 15, and went back to Heaven on February 22, 2008. Kaden was and continues to be a great blessing to our family. When I think of this picture today I like to think that Kaden is praying for us, praying that we will never take each other for granted, praying that our faith will not waver but increase and that we will all continue to grow in our desire and capacity to turn our lives and our will over to the tender care of our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. For me it’s the picture of submission, a piece of Heaven, a view of the “Other Side” from the Inside.

To learn more about Kaden and his family see: http://kadenmatthewmack.blogspot.com

By Nannette W.
Posted Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Only His Signature is Appropriate – Step 12

September 8, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

Last Summer my husband and I attended the Church’s Addiction Recovery Mission Conference. It was held in Salt Lake City at the Conference Center. He and I spent the morning before the Mission Conference with a friend of ours from who had come to attend the conference from Boston. He is a fellow missionary, recovering alcoholic, and someone I have worked a great deal with in the development of materials for the Church’s recovery program. The three of us spent the afternoon before the conference enjoying a few of the opportunities available near the Conference site. We had lunch at the Lion House and took a tour of the Beehive House and then we took him to see the movie about Joseph Smith at the Legacy Theater. The film was powerful, closing with the stirring words, “Shall we not go on in so great a cause?”

As the three of us exited the theater my husband became involved in a discussion about our mission with the sister missionaries. My attention was completely captured by a breathtaking statue I had never seen before. It is a relatively new sculpture of the First Vision. I stood, taking it in and wondering whose work it was. I started walking around the statue looking for a signature. Seeing no name, I glanced up and there was our friend coming around the other side, in search of the same information. He said: “I’m trying to see who the artist is.” “Me too!” I responded.

A sister missionary overheard our conversation and immediately came to offer not only what she knew about the creators of this work but with what I feel was a message from The Creator, to my friend and to me – maybe to all of us.

“Are you trying to find the name of the sculpture?”

“Yes, we can’t find it!” we said in unison.

“The other day one of the artists of this piece came through. He told me that those who participated in this particular work felt their experience was extremely sacred and together they decided that they would not – could not put their names on it.”

We gave each other a knowing smile and my friend replied, “We understand that kind of situation.” The Lord’s message came to us just hours before the opening the 2007 Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Addiction Recovery Program Conference. This is a program so many nameless folks have given their days and years and even their lives to develop.

Jesus works in the shadows. As I write this I am struck with the willingness of our Lord to labor anonymously in this work of recovery for such a long time. For years He has been willing to be know only as “a power greater than ourselves.” What an understatement!

Sometimes we are called to individually stand up and plainly state our name and share our own story and our personal witness of His power to save, for we have experienced it! At other times our witness, in the spirit of anonymity, is the thing that’s required. Perhaps it’s so that all the light can be directed to Him, as we strive to bring Him out of His Higher Power obscurity.

In the spirit of those wondering, awe-struck, nameless shepherds who were the first witnesses of His coming, I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessing of being part of one of the most timely, far reaching, Christ directed efforts of this dispensation. I want to be continually willing to be bold, ready to stand and state my name and give a reason for my hope when it is called for, but I also want to be genuinely willing to stand for Him in the spirit of anonymity.

When I do sign my name to His creation it is as one who has been a witness of Him, of His love, His ability, His creativity, His skill and greatness and glory. He is the owner who at times allows each of us to participate with Him in creation. In actuality, all things bear His name. When it comes to the work of the Lord, Only His Signature is Appropriate.

By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, September 8, 2008

Who is Going to “Pretect” Us? And What is a “Harmerax”? – Step 2

September 7, 2008 by Nannette Wiggins Leave a Comment

I was your classic scared of the dark “Heavenly Father, Please bless me that I won’t have any bad dreams,” “Close the closet doors mommy,” “Please check under the bed daddy,” kind of a kid. After I was put to bed I would lie there, full of anxiety, anticipating the moment when everyone in the house would be asleep and then it would just be me, in the dark. I would completely miss my chance to fall asleep while my parents were still up and going and then the whole house would become quiet and dark and all that was left were the shadows and the bumps in the night! I would lie there until I couldn’t stand it any more, and then I would sneak out of my bed, tip toe into my parents room, lean my little girl head over my daddy’s sleeping face, getting as close as I could and in a half whisper I’d say, “Daddy, I’m scared!” After he recovered from a child induced heart attack, my dad would kindly escort me back to my room, muttering something like, “You’re the biggest spook in the house,” and re-tuck me in, and check the closet and under the bed for monsters and such things.

Fear seems to be one of the things we have in common. Some of us come by it rightly. Some of us have grown up in very terrifying situations. For others, “the fall” itself seems to be reason enough for earth life anxiety. My upbringing was not frightening except that someone killed the president of the United States and his brother and a black preacher and in my school there were sit-ins and walk-outs. When we moved from Utah to California we had to start locking our doors and someone stole some stuff out of our garage one night. Once when we were on vacation in Utah some people, who didn’t like the way things were, burned up a city near our home in California. I think I came to earth scarred, but the world around was not exactly reassuring, even if my parents were.

Carson, who is experiencing “four years old” right now, seems to have come to earth with some fear, just like his Grandma Nan. Lately and frequently, if he knows his parents are going out he asks, “Who is going to ‘pretect us’?”

In our family the most repeated phrase in family prayer has always been, “Please bless us that no “harm or accident” will come upon us and that no robbers will come and steal anything or steal us.” One night when my son Andrew was little he finished saying the family prayer, as he had done many times, and looked up at me and said, “Mommy, what’s a harmerax?”

Fear is a foundational problem for those who struggle with compulsive/obsessive behavior. Out of fear we turn to things for comfort that are ultimately self-destructive. In recovery there are two questions answered for us that seem to help us turn a corner from living in fear to living in faith. The two questions are the same questions asked by Carson and Andrew. Who is going to “pretect” us? And what is a “harmerax” or in other words, what do we need to be afraid of?

Recovery principles are leading me to a personal knowledge of a very loving, powerful, protecting, saving God. I experience His protection every day in multiple ways. And this God who is so worthy of my trust is teaching me that I can turn all my fears over to Him, “harmerorax” and all.

By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, September 7, 2008