My answer to the world’s most frequently asked question, “How are you?” use to be very simple. My reply was either, “I’m doing really good!” or the standard, “I’m fine” which meant, “I’m not doing so well, but I’m not giving details.” This answer was most often based on a single aspect of life. If I was thin or on the road to thinness I was “doing really good!” If I was overeating, with the numbers on the scale moving up everyday, worried, out of control, full of despair, my answer was the standard, “fine.” Living in recovery has changed my response. You might think I’m going to say that based on years of recovery experience and a ninety-seven pound sustained weight loss (give or take five pounds) I’m nearly always, “doing great.” Not so!
Today I have no short answer. My condition has lost all its black and white quality. The tunnel, lop-sided, one-track view of my world is falling away and being replaced by something more accurate. Today I experience all facets of life, the good, the bad and all points between. It’s impossible to honestly answer the “How are you?” question, for the inquirer who is just passing by or asking out of politeness. For many years the “condition” of my life was very clear to me. Today I wonder at the bundle of mixed emotions I can experience in a day or even an hour.
This morning I ran across a group of people in the Book of Mormon who made me feel less alone with my mixture of feelings. I’m speaking of the people who are finally brought together in Mosiah 25. Many of them have just been miraculously rescued from bondage, but they’ve also just been informed of sad and disturbing current events, present realities. In today’s terms it would be akin to our experiencing some extremely rough times, being delivered in a way that only God could provide. And then, while this great gift rests in our minds and in our hearts reading the New York Times, the US News and World Report and spend the afternoon watching CNN.
In Mosiah 25: 7-11 we read a description of their reaction:
7 And now, when Mosiah had made an end of reading the records, his people who tarried in the land were struck with wonder and amazement.
8 For they knew not what to think; for when they beheld those that had been delivered out of bondage they were filled with exceedingly great joy.
9 And again, when they thought of their brethren who had been slain by the Lamanites they were filled with sorrow, and even shed many tears of sorrow.
10 And again, when they thought of the immediate goodness of God, and his power in delivering Alma and his brethren out of the hands of the Lamanites and of bondage they did raise their voices and give thanks to God.
11 And again, when they thought upon the Lamanites, who were their brethren, of their sinful and polluted state, they were filled with pain and anguish for the welfare of their souls.
I was grateful to meet up with these folks who were “…struck with wonder and amazement…filled with exceeding great joy…filled with sorrow, and even shed many tears of sorrow…thank[ful[ to God…filled with pain and anguish” all at the same time. If I could walked into history and down the streets of Zarahemla the day they were all gathered, listening to King Mosiah deliver ALL the news, how would they respond to the question, “How are you doing?” In Mosiah 25:8 the answer is stated. “…they knew not what to think.”
That’s the reality for those of us living in recovery. Relating the condition of our lives has ceased to be quick, short, and self focused. The answer is more real. It includes our entire experience and some days, like those ancient people of King Mosiah, we “know not what to think!” I think that’s OK!
By Nannette W.
Posted Sunday, November 2, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
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