One late afternoon after a busy day of mothering, I stood in the kitchen in a bit of a stupor. I was weary and completely blank about what to invent for dinner. Above my kitchen sink is a large window size opening into the family room. I stood pondering how a person (such as myself) could work so hard all day long and not have a plan for dinner. As I mulled over the possibilities I overheard a conversation going on, just through the window, between my four-year-old Kendra and a neighborhood friend. This little bit of writing expresses what I heard and how I felt:
Listening at the Kitchen Sink
“I’ll be the Mom!”
“No, I’ll be the Mom!
“It’s my house!”
“I’m leaving!”
“You can be the mom next time!”
“You always get to be the Mom!”
Listening at the kitchen sink
Exhausted
Emptying the dishwasher, the darks to fold,
Five o’clock frozen hamburger,
And on and on-
I smile and hum and pray
That they will not lose their passion
For “Being the Mom”
On my account.
It’s been twenty-two years since this scene was captured in my notebook. Kendra’s all grown up now, with three little children of her own. I know there were other days when my joy in motherhood was not exactly exemplary. I’m sure my daughters did not always look on thinking, “Look how happy mom is. Boy, this is sure what I want to do when I grow up.” But Kendra, along with each of my daughters, seems to have quite an affinity for being “the mom” in spite of my imperfection. This gives me a lot of hope. It means that trying counted. It means that I didn’t have to be perfect. It means that children are capable of seeing a bigger picture, the balance between trying and trials and happiness. It means that a parent’s diligence in making little daily repentant course corrections ultimately sends out the message that yes, parenting is hard, but it is also very rewarding and a source of great joy.
I think the word “joy” and not “perfection” is the key word when it comes to passing along passion for various aspects of life to the next generation. Along with her love of motherhood and the whole “at home” life style my own mother imperfectly passed on to me her love of the gospel, the Church, attending the temple, learning something new, finding a sale, a good visit, road trips and singing harmony to old girl scout songs, teaching, classical voice, geology, a clean house, of serving. These were not areas where she was perfect, but they were aspects of her life where we as children saw genuine joy as she participated.
My mother did not pass to me a love for sewing. She did a lot of sewing. She sewed and sewed for my sister and me. She was good at sewing. But she didn’t like to sew. She was not a happy humming seamstress. Funny that word ends with the word “stress,” because that’s what I remember about my mother sitting at the sewing machine – stress! Sewing was no source of joy for her and I knew it!
There are fruits of my mother’s joyless diligence in my own life. Although she taught me to sew, I own the most underused Bernina in the history of sewing machines. In fact, mom and I have decided that if God wants to punish the two of us for bad behavior in this life, He will probably consign us to sewing angel apparel in the next.
Many of us are very busy with good activities. We are dutiful, hard workers, but for one reason or another we don’t love it. It does not bring us joy. Then, at the end of the day, we wish our children would follow our “dutiful, hard working” path. What we find though is that sometimes the things we do and don’t enjoy, our children decide not to do at all. We pass on what we love. We pass on what gives us joy.
So what’s the message here? When it comes to sewing, gourmet food prep, jogging, hunting, golfing, scrap booking, or the million other aspects and hobbies life offers, it probably doesn’t matter at all exactly what we find joy in and pass on to the kids. For me there is only one facet of life where it is absolutely critical to live in joy and pass it on. What I hope to pass on is my passion for the Father’s plan, and the joy that comes from being a disciple of Jesus Christ and helping to build His kingdom. Is the restored gospel of Jesus Christ the source of joy in my life?
The Prophet Enos has the great blessing of being able to think back and remember “the words which [he] had often heard [his] father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints” (Enos 1:3). The joy of the Saints! Is that what my children are going to remember when they remember me? I hope so! During their childhood I experienced days and hours and moments of “stressed out” service to them and to the Church, service that was not always filled with joy in or because of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I was nearly forty before I began to have eyes for the every day, very personal blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I was nearly forty before I felt the unmistakable love of the Lord for me. I learn more every day, but I’m imperfect at the application of the truth. My joy in the gospel is a work in progress. The 12 Steps have been a tremendous help. Every day I am learning how to apply the gospel in ways that bring me greater and greater joy. .
In 1979, President Spencer W. Kimball addressed the women of the Church in the worldwide Women’s Fireside Address. He prophesied that, “the good women of the world will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different — in happy ways — from the women of the world.”
Influence for good because we live the gospel in “happy ways!” Joy, will make the difference! It’s a tall order. It’s something I want to pass on to my daughters and granddaughters. My experience as a mother and with my own mother gives me great hope. What counts is not perfection but joyful persistence in partaking of the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. One mother at a time, and over time, we will become this army of women who are “distinct and different — in happy ways — from the women of the world.” It won’t be because we live the gospel perfectly. It will be because we live it happily!
By Nannette W.
Posted Monday, October 27, 2008
Copyright 2008 by Nannette W. All right reserved.
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I needed this one. :)It’s good to hear your voice.’Becca